He hadn’t lived at home in almost six months. There was some adjusting for both of them. She bought a recliner for him, since the furniture in the family room was too “squishy.” Did you know that all recliners come with the foot rest handle on the right? She and Laura felt the affects of the up and down of the foot rest quickly; his right leg was dead weight and very heavy. He had been in therapy for months, and was pretty strong and agile, considering that his right side was still not responding. He had lost 80 pounds since January 4th, so she and Laura were able to lift him from his new recliner to his wheelchair to the bathroom without much trouble.
She sold his car the same week she was notified that he was no longer employed at the university. She told him, and he was sad, but he forgot about it. No more employment = no more insurance for him, her, or their son, who was still in college. Thankfully, her employer added a group policy that the family could purchase. New insurance = more therapy sessions!
She took him to Colonial Oaks on the south side of town for therapy 2-3 times a week, after getting him up, dressed and fed. Then after a couple hours, she’d leave work, go back down to the south side of town to pick him up, and take him home in time to meet Laura for the rest of the day. In the evening, she’d make dinner and shower him, after working all day at her job. This schedule lasted not quite two weeks. Colonial Oaks was kind and generous, and allowed their activities van to come get him and bring him home. The therapy sessions ran out (insurance limits again), so he and Laura were soon home full-time. Laura proved herself invaluable as a helper and a friend.
He began doing “laps” in his wheelchair around the house to try to stay somewhat limber, but soon the lack of therapies began to show physically. He gained weight, and lost much of his desire to move around as much as possible. After a couple months of her showering him in the evenings, he agreed that Laura could take on that duty as well, which was a big relief to her. She was exhausted most of the time, and thinking about showering him after a long day at work was almost more than she could bear.
She still visited her therapist every other week. It was a safe place to be honest about her thoughts and feelings; she was experiencing a form of grief. The stages of grief: loss-hurt, shock, numbness, denial, emotional outbursts, anger, fear, searching, disorganization, panic, guilt, loneliness, isolation, depression, re-entry troubles, new relationships, new strengths, new patterns, hope, affirmation, helping others, loss adjustment. The first few months after he moved home, she was in the fear-searching-disorganization phases. The paperwork was still overwhelming her, she wasn’t sure how they’d stay in their house, and the formerly uber-organized gal was really unorganized. People didn’t know what to say when they saw her out and about. Some of the comments that didn’t help were “everything happens for a reason” and “at least you still have him here” and “when will he get better?” and “just call if you need anything.”
Even though things were intensely stressful, they did have their lighthearted moments. Aphasia was both a blessing and a curse. He would become so frustrated when he couldn’t use the correct words, but sometimes the wrong words were funny. One night after she’d helped him get ready for bed, she rolled him back into the family room, and he said, “Could we change the testicle channel?” Hmm…that time testicle = television!
Summer turned into fall, and their son went back to school for his last semester. She was alone with him in the evening, bringing a new set of challenges.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)
Rush Strokes 