Years Two-to-Three

Things continued on about the same with a few additions to the schedule here and there, including therapies and doctor appointments. They met with Vocational Rehab to determine if he could eventually hold down a job, even part-time. Part of that determination included evaluation at the Rehab Hospital in Carmel. It was an exhausting testing and evaluation day for him. The results came back a few weeks later: his IQ is now 62. Sixty-two. six. two. Only two digits. The best job Voc Rehab could attempt to prepare him for was homemaker. But his IQ was easily close to 130 or so pre-stroke. But he was this close to completing his doctoral degree. An unexpected wave of grief swept over her yet again.

By the end of the second summer her stamina and patience were wearing thin. Her best friend, Jenn, mentioned respite care a few times, but she blew it off thinking she “couldn’t do that to him,” or that respite care was something only old or weak people did. Jenn crossed paths with someone who worked in the administrative office of a local nursing home, so she asked how respite care worked. She decided she did, in fact, need a break, so she called Colonial Oaks, and asked about it. Yes! They regularly take former patients in for respite care. So, she started taking him on Friday nights for a 48-hour break every few weeks. It was just what she needed to rest and refresh, and sometimes she’d get away for a long weekend with a girlfriend or attend an event out-of-town without worrying about his care. To make respite care a little more palatable, they referred to it as “camp,” since there were snacks, crafts, and sleeping overnight.

The second Christmas came and went with the kids visiting on Christmas Day. And suddenly the second anniversary of the stroke was upon them. This anniversary date was harder than the first year anniversary for some reason. There were so many memories flooding her mind. So many what-ifs and dreams that were now a distant memory. Two years seemed like twenty years.

Her folks saw a problem, and offered to help solve it. She and Laura were constantly putting his feet up and down on the recliner, since all recliner’s handles are on the right side. For a normal person, this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but a dead leg is very heavy, and heavier on a large man. Her folks and two of her uncles offered to purchase a lift chair for him, so during a respite weekend, she went to Ft. Wayne and shopped with her observant, caring parents. They tried several chairs at four different stores, and she knew the brown leather chair that reclined completely and felt like sitting in a cloud was what he needed. She and Laura were so thankful for the chair, and he didn’t mind either! After he figured out how to use the remote control, he could adjust any leg position, sit more upright, put the chair in an almost standing position to stretch out his back. It was the best gift ever in their current world.

After working hard in several more therapy sessions, he could get out of his lift chair himself and into his wheelchair. He had freedom! He would roll around the house, get back in his “cloud” chair, get back in his wheelchair to go get a drink, and on and on…without help. Until he fell in May 2016. He was pivoting to move to his wheelchair, and his right foot wasn’t set correctly. He fell into the coffee table with his full body weight on his right side. He broke his right shoulder. Freedom was over.

The break didn’t require surgery, but it did require immobilization for eight weeks. Laura was a trooper and figured out how to shower him without moving that arm. He didn’t complain, except once in a while when he was tired of the straps holding his arm to his body. In July he was cleared from wearing the immobilizing brace. It still took months before he was confident enough to transfer himself from his lift chair to his wheelchair and back. In the meantime, he had two lithotripsy (kidney stone) surgeries which kept him out of therapies for a couple of months, and kept she and Laura busy caring for him in different ways.

He got used to going to “camp,” Colonial Oaks took great care of him, and she learned how to better care for herself. Christmas came and went, and the third January 4th was upon them. He didn’t notice as she reflected on the date. No more what-ifs and  could-have-beens. This time she wondered what the next year would bring, and she thanked God for her supportive co-workers and the few close friends who were still around. She reconnected with another mom from the high school football days. She’ll blog about that next…stay tuned for something exciting!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. James 1:2:-8 NIV